| Technical Support for PC
problems
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open
Desktop."
Customer "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up
menu?"
Customer "No."
Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have
done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote
'click'."
Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but
I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it
to work?"
Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft
Word."
Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what
it says."
Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and
Recovery disk'."
Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup
disk."
Customer:: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your
software?"
Tech Support:: ?!%#$
Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the
screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from
there?"
Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you
have?"
Customer:: "A white one."
Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Customer:: "How do you spell that?"
Tech Support: "What's on your screen right
now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at
the grocery store."
Tech Support:: "What operating system are you
running?"
Customer: "Pentium."
Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an
illegal abortion."
Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need
to print document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system
disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy
inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an
Intel inside."
Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem.
We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'.
"Tech Support:: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"
Customer care officer (CCO): I need a product
identification no: right now and may I help u in finding it out?
Customer: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My
Computer'?
Customer: I did left click but how the hell do I find
your computer?
A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to
report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power
supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup
files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to
replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to
change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me
the command.
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is
right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers
this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the
problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of
the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still
smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS
didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will
give you the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you
said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible
with NOSMOKE.
__________________
abeetha | 