Personality trait : Flexibility

[sk_kireeti]

OVERVIEW

In this, we're going to focus on flexibility, which means being willing to engage in a range of behaviors not necessarily characteristic of your usual ways of behaving, in order to be more effective in a situation or in a relationship.

Flexibility is your willingness to adapt. It's having a positive attitude toward adapting your behavior.

Being flexible, that is, willing to adapt your behavior in a given situation, involves having:

1. Confidence
2. Tolerance
3. Empathy
4. Positiveness
5. Respect for others

Because it's important to be able to recognize negative behaviors in yourself – and I know that's not easy – we're going to spend some time identifying five characteristics that get in the way of flexibility. They are:

1. Rigidity
2. Competition with others
3. Discontent
4. Being unapproachable
5. Having difficulty in dealing with ambiguity

Of course, few of us are totally flexible, that is, possessing all five positive traits, or totally inflexible, that is, possessing all five negative traits. Most of us fall somewhere in between. Also, no one is consistent in their behavior all the time. We vary our flexibility depending on the situation or the person we're dealing with.

Research shows that people view themselves as more flexible than they actually are. That's because we all aspire to those positive behaviors, and we judge ourselves on how we intend to act as well as on how we do act. In other words, we tend to see ourselves through rose-colored glasses. Try to take off those glasses and take a hard, cold look at the reality of how you do act.

Flexibility involves your personal attitudes toward yourself, others, and the situations you face. It indicates your degree of willingness to change your perspective and/or your position, when it's appropriate. The five negative traits of flexibility indicate a tendency to be reactive to people, conditions, or events. You respond out of fear or anxiety. These negative traits are supported by predetermined views, conclusions, or patterns of behavior that are non-negotiable. A person with these traits has a tendency to be negative about what may occur, especially in ambiguous situations.

[Spoorthi]

nice one kireeti

[sangeethadutta]

fine............

[sk_kireeti]

This may be look very big... but worth reading. Especially look at the examples... too good.

NEGATIVE FLEXIBILITY TRAITS

So let's begin with the five negative flexibility traits, because they do get in the way of any attempt you make toward adaptability:

1 Rigidity

Rigidity can be described as holding the attitude: My way or the highway. It can also be disguised in such sayings as: "That's just the way it is," or "Those are the rules, ma'am," or "That'll never work." Do those kinds of sayings ever come from your mouth? Those statements are indicative of a kind of mental paralysis. No new information is being allowed in.

Extremely rigid people are easy to spot – and I assume none of them would be reading a report on adaptability. When I think of an extremely rigid person, the general played by Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men comes to mind.

The kind of rigidity I'd like to focus on comes in more subtle forms. It can be cloaked in a variety of ways that appear attractive – on the surface. You may value the fact that you're a high achiever, a perfectionist, a take-charge, or no-nonsense person. And you should take pride in your accomplishments. But an inflexible, rigid attitude can get in the way of even greater accomplishments and a larger sphere of influence. Maybe you pride yourself on being cautious; you don't like to leap before you look carefully. That's fine, except when your caution turns into an aversion to taking any risks at all.

Maybe you believe that you know the best way to get from Point A to Point B, or the best way to make a barbecue, or the best way to solve the recycling problems in your community. Everyone wants you on their committee – except when it turns out that "the best way" is the only way you know how to do that particular thing, and you're not willing to learn anything new about it.

One of the things we can say with certainty about life is that everything changes. It's a task for all of us to keep feguring out where we need to hold the line on what we know and where we need to let go of the rigidity that keeps us from learning new things.

The fact is that, at least since the beginning of the decade, there's been a greater emphasis on the value of collaboration, cooperation, and interdependent networks of people. Who would have ever thought that arch rivals IBM and Apple Computer would ever collaborate? But they have! Remember the hi-tech commercials during the Super Bowls in the mid-eighties? Everyone watched to see what new outrageous ad Apple had come up with to sling at IBM. They weren't rivals, they were enemies. Then they began to see the value of collaboration – at least to the point of being able to work on joint projects.

More and more companies are seeing the value of breaking up departments that used to compete against each other. Instead, they're putting people into teams with shared leadership and a mandate to cooperate with each other. As those companies move from a hierarchical structure to one that's team-based, you hear the same lament over and over: "Some of the people who've been around here for a while can't seem to make the transition. They're too ‘set in their ways.' They have too much of the old ‘command and control' style in their veins."

If you suspect that you may have an underlying layer of rigidity in your personality that prevents you from being flexible where flexibility would be an asset, here are some tips. First and foremost, concentrate on listening to what others have to say – go beyond passive listening, that is, just hearing the words. Learn what's known as active listening, where you do more than simply pay attention. Active listening means you suspend your judgments about what the other person is saying while you listen. Active listening means that you are so clear about what the other person is saying that you could paraphrase it back to them in a way they would agree that's what they said.

Being willing to listen without making judgments takes work. You can tell you're not doing it when little thoughts like "That's crazy," or "She doesn't know what she's talking about" pop up in your head as you listen. But if you're able to achieve the ability to listen first, and then decide how you feel about something, much more information and new insight will filter into your brain. That's because the rigid guard at the door of your mind has been asked to take a break.

Another way to combat rigidity is to admit a mistake when you've made one. That's so easy to say, and so hard to do! Start by admitting it to yourself, "Darn it, I made a mistake!" That's the first step. Some rigid people can't even do that much. The next step is to say it out loud to someone who's affected by that mistake, "Sorry, but it looks like I've made a mistake here."

And one more tip: remember that in many things, the process is as important as the goal. How you arrive at a result in a work project, or on a community committee or in your family affects everyone involved. And the process has a direct impact on the success of the next undertaking. Your ability to be flexible – to let go of rigid expectations, to allow for disagreements – are measures of your maturity in those situations.

2 Competition with Others

The second negative trait we'll look at is competition with others. You might be tempted to say: "What's wrong with a little competition?" Nothing's wrong with it. It's healthy. But, when your need to compete, and be superior to someone else, gets in the way of the best possible outcome for both of you – that's when competition becomes a liability. I'm talking about the kind of person who always needs to be "one up" on other people.

A person who lives his life in competition with everyone – and we all know someone like that – might be admired for his achievements, but he doesn't get the freely-given attention and support of others. A person who exudes the message: "I'm smarter (or prettier, or richer, or more committed) than you are," doesn't garner people's trust. That's because the message is clearly about "Me first."

Willingness to be flexible means that occasionally you're not Number One. You may need to take a backseat to a colleague who's trying something innovative. You may need to compromise in a negotiation. Maybe the fact that you're the best salesperson of the month every month prevents other people from even trying.

Does your level of competitiveness get in the way of relationships? If you play a one-on-one sport such as tennis or racquetball, do you always play to win, to beat the other person? If you play board games or video games with your children, is it more important to win than to have fun?
On the one hand, it seems as though we're being pushed to be more competitive. Many of us work for companies that are in feerce marketing battles with global competition. There are fewer tax dollars to go around, fewer jobs in many industries. Yet the paradox is the solutions we're finding to those problems involve not more competition, but more collaboration. The Apple-IBM example I used earlier is but one small example.
For years, I've developed books and other materials for people in one of the most competitive arenas imaginable: selling. I've spoken to thousands upon thousands of dedicated salespeople who relish competition. Yet my message has been consistent: learn to approach the potential customer or client as a consultant. True professionals in sales, the ones who are successful in all respects, not just in dollars, are those people who focus more on helping than on selling, who listen more than talk, who solve problems rather than persuade. These collaborative techniques create many more long-term customers than one-shot sales.

I don't teach fifty ways to close a sale. I teach a step-by-step consultative approach that allows both the customer and the salesperson to feel good about each other. When I discovered that selling didn't have to be a contest of getting you to buy my product or service, and that it didn't have to be that I either won or lost, I was relieved. I presented you with choices, helped you think through whether any of them were suitable for you, and made sure you were satisfeed if you did choose to buy. Whether you bought something or not, I had done my job. I didn't need to be the best salesman of the month. I just needed to meet my own goals and go to bed knowing I had done a thorough job of collaboration.

I know a story of a guy who started selling Toyotas in the early eighties. He was so low-key, so nice, that the other sales people in the showroom made fun of him. He made sure his customers felt they had all the facts, no pressure. People started asking for him by name because of referrals. He did start getting "best salesperson of the month" plaques on his wall. The plaques kept piling up until he had no more wall space. Some of his customers would drop by to visit him, just to say "Hi." His more-competitive colleagues watched in amazement. This guy went on to become sales manager at the dealership. Soon he was gone, off to corporate headquarters to teach others about selling.

I just have one tip for you if you have a streak of competitiveness that gets in the way of your relationships: stop seeing the other person as an opponent. Reframe the connection as a friendship, a mentoring relationship, as a chance to do something together that neither of you could do alone. Look directly into that person's eyes and see a fellow human being who doesn't want to be beaten, or made into a loser any more than you do. People who are always out to win may collect a lot of marbles, but they lose a lot of friends. And I'd trade a bag of marbles for a good friend any day.

3 Discontent

The next characteristic that belies flexibility is discontent. I'm talking about people who are just never positive or completely happy about anything – the nay-sayers, the fault-finders – who've decided that their mission in life is to tell you the glass is half-empty, in case you missed it. In more vernacular terms they are called complainers, whiners, wet blankets.
One possible reason for this type of inflexible behavior is that they have set high standards for themselves and no one, including the people themselves, measures up. They pride themselves on being able to analyze things critically, to bring a discerning eye to the table. But someone whose primary response is fault-finding, who seems discontented with almost everything, will get little cooperation and respect from others.

Let's listen in on a scenario where Bill shows his new graphic design for a book jacket to his colleagues, one by one.
Bill: Hey, George. Can I show you this cover I've designed for the Clancy book?
George: Sure, let's see it. [BRIEF PAUSE] Hmmm. I basically think it's okay. But at first glance, I can't make out what the image is. I have to study it for a couple seconds. I think a powerful, clear image for the cover would work better.
Bill: Thanks, okay. I'll check with some other folks.
Bill: Candace, have you got a minute to look at this design for the Clancy book?
Candace: Sure, Bill. Let me see it. [PAUSE] Well, I like the color choices, but somehow the picture doesn't go with the title. I have to stop and think about why something that looks like a traffic jam goes with a spy title.
Bill: Uh, that's about the same as George's response. It's helpful. Thanks.
Bill: Hey, Susan. Can I get your feedback on this jacket design?
Susan: Sure. Let's see it. [PAUSE] Uh, I don't think it works at all. It just doesn't communicate anything to me. Color's all wrong. Why even use an image? I'd start from scratch if I were you.

Which of those three people do you think Bill will go back to next time for feedback? All three were negative; nobody really liked his design. But George and Candace gave negative responses with helpful insights – something to go on, like using a better image, one that goes more with the title of the book. Susan simply found fault. There was nothing constructive about her criticism.

If you think that there's a fault-finder lurking within your personality, ask some people close to you who'll give you honest feedback. If your suspicions are confirmed – "Yes, you can be a wet blanket at times" – "Yes, people are afraid to share their tentative ideas with you for fear of getting them picked apart" – then let me give you a couple of tips.

First, develop the habit of saying something positive before you say anything negative. A friend of mine was in a phase where she loved to say negative things about other people. Developing the ability to think critically is fine, but I thought she was going a bit too far. So I suggested to her that when she wanted to tell me about someone, she had to start by telling me one good thing about the person. She picked up the idea right away and hopefully has learned to see people with a more balanced perspective.
You'll have to make a conscious effort at first if your tendency is to just point out flaws. But if you really do think to yourself "say something positive" before you open your mouth, eventually it'll become a habit. Sometimes you may have to really stretch to find something good to say. But again, I'm stressing that the way you engage, and the way you communicate, is every bit as important as the gist of what you say. Starting with the negative otten stops the flow of a process. If you're willing to be flexible about how you present your feedback, other people will be much more open to sharing your high standards.

4 Being Unapproachable

The fourth negative flexibility trait is being unapproachable. No one who wants to improve their relationships or gain influence with others would want to be described as "unapproachable." Yet sometimes we hear: "Don't come to me with a problem if you don't have a solution." Or, "I'm only interested in what works." The attitude behind those kinds of statements is: Don't bother me unless it's worth my time and corresponds to what I already believe. Not exactly conducive to collaboration!

Being outright unapproachable is one thing. If you make it known you really don't want people coming around, you'll get what you ask for. But you may think that doesn't apply to you, yet you could be putting out "unapproachable" messages in more subtle ways. You could always be so busy that anyone who comes to you feels they're not getting your full attention. Co-workers and employees may then perceive you as being swamped with too much work, so that they'll bring only the most important items to your attention. This may result in your knowing less about what's happening than if you had made yourself more approachable.

Another subtle "unapproachable" style comes from people who seem to live from crisis to crisis. If you know that every time you engage Mary in a conversation, you'll hear about the latest problem or tragedy in her life, you'll probably avoid her.

How about people who don't take the time to have an acceptable level of personal appearance? They might have dirty hair or clothes that don't fit them well. These folks otten find themselves cut off from social discourse.
Another way to make people want to avoid you is if you talk too much. I'll steer clear of you if I know that every time I say "Hi" I'll be subjected to at least a five-minute monologue.

So there are various ways to establish yourself as unapproachable. The most common way is to set up a lot of conditions about what kinds of things you're willing to entertain and how they should be presented to you. Another way to do it is to be so preoccupied with your own needs that anyone approaching you either gets short shrift or gets a full dose of your problems. A third way is just to make yourself so physically unappealing that no one wants to be around you. And another sure-fere turnoff is to talk too much, especially about yourself.

The antidotes to these problems should be clear. You need to cultivate a style that says "open," not "closed." You need to give your full attention to the other person when they're approaching you with their needs. All of this behavior adaptation takes conscious effort. You can't change old patterns in a day. But you can change. You just might have to do something uncharacteristic, like reaching out and asking someone how she's doing, or what's on her mind.

Each of the negative traits we discussed so far has to do with lowering barriers to communication and setting up an environment where relationships can grow and thrive. Besides making life easier, all of this will serve to increase your effectiveness with the people around you.

5 Difficulty Dealing with Ambiguity

The last negative flexibility trait is having difficulty in dealing with ambiguity. "Ambiguous" means having several possible meanings, interpretations, or outcomes. Some people don't like ambiguous situations where new variables can pop up any time, or where novel outcomes emerge rather than being designed from the beginning. It has to be Either/Or. One way or the other. They get nervous in the face of the unknown. They'll say: "Let's nail this down" or "Let's choose one and go for it," before an idea has been fully developed. Sometimes that approach may be necessary. But rigid people like to get closure – on one meaning, one interpretation, one outcome – as early as possible. And otten that approach leaves out the contributions of other people. It certainly leaves out the possibility of novelty and serendipity.

Let's look at another scenario, where Suzanne is in charge of an important corporate meeting.
Leonard: Suzanne, how are the plans going for the meeting?
Suzanne: Horrible. I don't have an exact number of attendees – there could be as few as 18 people or as many as 30. The keynote speaker isn't arriving until two hours before the meeting because he's coming from another engagement, and I don't know if the chairman of the board is going to speak at the beginning or end of the day.
Leonard: What about the basic agenda and the handouts and all that?
Suzanne: Oh, those things are all taken care of.
Leonard: So, the rest of it sounds like details. Plan lunch for 30, have someone meet the speaker at the airport, and let the chairman play it by ear.
Suzanne: Easy for you to say. I'd like to have the whole thing set, cut ‘n dried, scheduled from minute one.
Leonard: It sounds to me like you've done your job well. Why don't you just relax and let a little ambiguity into the picture? Something novel could happen. Those meetings are usually pretty boring, you know.
Suzanne: I guess I have to let go of what I can't control, but it's not by choice.
We can all appreciate Suzanne's feeling of responsibility in this story. She has to make sure the event will go smoothly. But having everything "cut ‘n dried" as she said would probably take any feeling of ease and spontaneity out of the meeting. In this case, "cut ‘n dried" means over-controlled, everything's "nailed down." As her co-worker remarked, it's a formula for boring.
We're all being asked to tolerate more ambiguity these days. Technology is changing the nature of the work we do, or in some cases, whether we have any work to do. For the past twenty years, we've been experiencing tremendous ambiguity in gender roles – what it means to be a man, what it means to be a woman.

If you're in a role of leadership or responsibility, there's no doubt you must make room for surprises and uncertain outcomes. Imagine being told in 1962 that the Soviets had nuclear missiles positioned on Cuba aimed at the United States, and that they might fere them, or they might not. John F. Kennedy faced that ambiguity. Imagine yourself on March 9, 1965, leading several thousand demonstrators in a march for civil rights in Selma, Alabama, where only two days earlier, hundreds of people had been beaten and attacked by police dogs for doing the same thing. Martin Luther King, Jr. faced a very ambiguous situation.

Fortunately, most of us don't have to deal with that level of uncertainty. If you're a person who has trouble dealing with ambiguity, you like to do routine things with familiar people who behave in traditional ways. Changes and surprises make you uncomfortable because they alter the routine.
If you recognize yourself in this discussion and feel that developing a greater tolerance for ambiguity would allow you the flexibility you'd like to have, here are some tips. Begin to stretch yourself a bit by taking on different duties and activities beyond your comfort level. In other words, consciously introduce some novelty and ambiguity into your life. Avoid doing things the same way every time. Realize that there's almost always more than one way to accomplish a task. When you encounter a situation that has several possible outcomes, don't try to avoid it. Take the time to consider each possible outcome, from the most optimistic to the most pessimistic.

Rigidity, competition with others, discontent, being unapproachable, having difficulty dealing with ambiguity. Each of these negative traits supports a basic unwillingness to be flexible.

Let me recommend a book that's ideas can help remedy these negative traits. It's The Tao of Leadership by John Heider. It came out in 1985, and it's still available. In one lesson on how processes unfold, Heider says, "Efforts to control process usually fail. Either they block process or make it chaotic. Learn to trust what is happening. If there is silence, let it grow; if there is a storm, let it rage; it will resolve into calm. The wise leader knows how to facilitate the unfolding group process because the leader is also in process. The leader knows how to have a profound influence without making things happen."

Heider's speaking about groups, but two people can constitute a group. What he's suggesting is that we shift from seeing ourselves as controller of a process to a person who's playing a role, maybe a major role, in a process. In other words, we're always part of a larger process that has its own timetable, its own logic. Oftentimes, when a process is allowed to follow its own course, it turns out better than any one individual, controlling the situation, would have been able to force it to do.
That doesn't mean, of course, that you can just sit back, let go of control, and passively watch things go by.

[Spoorthi]

kireeti.............its too good...and true also............nice examples....yah as u said may be its long but its really worth reading......................

[vjsreevs]

gr8 post kireeti .... thnx 4 bringing it here ....

[Solution]

Awesome post Kireeti. Nice job

[Sudhani]

Thank You Kireeti...

[nandhini_7]

nice one thanks for posing....keep posting like this

[nandhini_7]

nice one thanks for this information....keep posting like this