Love Story of Narayana Murthy and Sudha

[abeetha.m]

Love Story of
Narayana Murthy and Sudha</font>
(From
Sudha's
Autobiography)
</font>
It was in Pune that I met Narayana Murty through my friend Prasanna
who is now the Wipro chief, who was also training in Telco. Most of the books
that Prasanna lent me had Murty's name on them which meant that I had a
preconceived image of the man.
Contrary to expectation, Murty was shy, bespectacled and an
introvert. When he invited us for dinner, I was a bit taken aback as thought the
young man was making a very fast move. I refused since I was the only girl in
the group. But Murty was relentless and we all decided to meet for dinner the
next day at 7.30 p.m. at Green Fields hotel on the Main Road, Pune.
The next day I went there at 7' o clock since I had to go to the
tailor near the hotel. And what do I see? Mr. Murty waiting in front of the
hotel and it was only seven. Till today, Murty maintains that I had mentioned
(consciously!) that I would be going to the tailor at 7 so that I could meet
him...And I maintain that I did not say any such thing consciously or
unconsciously because I did not think of Murty as anything other than a friend
at that stage. We have agreed to disagree on this matter. Soon, we became
friends. Our conversations were filled with Murty's experiences abroad and the
books that he has read.
My friends insisted that Murty was trying to impress me because he
was interested in me. I kept denying it till one fine day, after dinner Murty
said, I want to tell you something. I knew this was it.
It was coming. He said, I am 5'4" tall. I come from a lower middle
class family. I can never become rich in my life and I can never give you any
riches. You are beautiful, bright, and intelligent and you can get anyone you
want. But will you marry me? I asked Murty to give me some time for an answer.
My father didn't want me to marry a wannabe politician, (a communist at that)
who didn't have a steady job and wanted to build an orphanage...
When I went to Hubli I told my parents about Murty and his proposal.
My mother was positive since Murty was also from Karnataka, seemed intelligent
and comes from a good family. But my father asked: What's his job, his salary,
his qualifications etc? Murty was working as a research assistant and was
earning less than me. He was willing to go Dutch with me on our outings. My
parents agreed to meet Murty in Pune on a particular day at10 a.m sharp. Murty
did not turn up. How can I trust a man to take care of my daughter if he cannot
keep an appointment, asked my father?
At 12noon Murty turned up in a bright red shirt! He had gone on work
to Bombay, was stuck in a traffic jam on the ghats, so he hired a taxi (though
it was very expensive for him) to meet his would-be father-in-law. Father was
unimpressed. My father asked him what he wanted to become in life. Murty said he
wanted to become a politician in the communist party and wanted to open an
orphanage. My father gave his verdict. NO. I don't want my daughter to marry
somebody who wants to become a communist and then open an orphanage when he
himself didn't have money to support his family .
Ironically, today, I have opened many orphanages something, which
Murty wanted to do 25 years ago. By this time I realized I had developed a
liking towards Murty which could only be termed as love. I wanted to marry Murty
because he is an honest man. He proposed to me highlighting the negatives in his
life. I promised my father that I will not marry Murty without his blessings
though at the same time, I cannot marry anybody else. My father said he would
agree if Murty promised to take up a steady job. But Murty refused saying he
will not do things in life because somebody wanted him to. So, I was caught
between the two most important people in my life.
The stalemate continued for three years during which our courtship
took us to every restaurant and cinema hall in Pune. In those days, Murty was
always broke. Moreover, he didn't earn much to manage. Ironically today, he
manages Infosys Technologies Ltd., one of the world's most reputed companies
.
He always owed me money. We used to go for dinner and he would say, I
don't have money with me, you pay my share, I will return it to you later. For
three years I maintained a book on Murty's debt to me. No, he never returned the
money and I finally tore it up after my wedding. The amount was a little over Rs
4000.
During this interim period Murty quit his job as research assistant
and started his own software business. Now, I had to pay his salary too! Towards
the late 70s computers were entering India in a big way.
During the fag end of 1977 Murty decided to take up a job as General
Manager at Patni Computers in Bombay. But before he joined the company he wanted
to marry me since he was to go on training to the US after joining. My father
gave in as he was happy Murty had a decent job, now.
WE WERE MARRIED IN MURTY'S HOUSE IN BANGALORE ON FEBRUARY 10, 1978
WITH ONLY OUR TWO FAMILIES PRESENT.I GOT MY FIRST SILK SARI. THE WEDDING
EXPENSES CAME TO ONLY RS 800 (US $17) WITH MURTY AND I POOLING IN RS 400
EACH.
I
went to the US with Murty after marriage. Murty encouraged me to see America on
my own because I loved traveling. I toured America for three months on backpack
and had interesting experiences which will remain fresh in my mind forever.
Like the time when the New York police took me into custody because
they thought I was an Italian trafficking drugs in Harlem. Or the time when I
spent the night at the bottom of the Grand Canyon with an old couple. Murty
panicked because he couldn't get a response from my hotel room even at midnight.
He thought I was either killed or kidnapped.
IN 1981 MURTY WANTED TO START INFOSYS. HE HAD A VISION AND ZERO
CAPITAL...initially I was very apprehensive about Murty getting into business.
We did not have any business background. Moreover we were living a comfortable
life in Bombay with a regular pay check and I didn't want to rock the boat. But
Murty was passionate about creating good quality software. I decided to support
him.
Typical of Murty, he just had a dream and no money. So I gave him Rs
10,000 which I had saved for a rainy day, without his knowledge and told him,
this is all I have. Take it. I give you three years sabbatical leave. I will
take care of the financial needs of our house. You go and chase your dreams
without any worry. But you have only three years!
Murty and his six colleagues started Infosys in 1981, with enormous
interest and hard work. In 1982 I left Telco and moved to Pune with Murty. We
bought a small house on loan which also became the Infosys office. I was a
clerk-cum-cook-cum-programmer. I also took up a job as Senior Systems Analyst
with Walch and group of Industries to support the house. In 1983 Infosys got
their first client, MICO, in Bangalore. Murty moved to Bangalore and stayed with
his mother while I went to Hubli to deliver my second child, Rohan. Ten days
after my son was born, Murty left for the US on project work. I saw him only
after a year, as I was unable to join Murty in the US because my son had
infantile eczema, an allergy to vaccinations. So for more than a year I did not
step outside our home for fear of my son contracting an infection. It was only
after Rohan got all his vaccinations that I came to Bangalore where we rented a
small house in Jayanagar and rented another house as Infosys headquarters. My
father presented Murty a scooter to commute. I once again became a cook,
programmer, clerk, secretary, office assistant et al. Nandan Nilekani (MD of
Infosys) and his wife Rohini stayed with us. While Rohini babysat my son, I
wrote programs for Infosys. There was no car, no phone, and just two kids and a
bunch of us working hard, juggling our lives and having fun while Infosys was
taking shape. It was not only me but also the wives of other partners too who
gave their unstinted support. We all knew that our men were trying to build
something good.
It was like a big joint family, taking care and looking out for one
another. I still remember Sudha Gopalakrishna looking after my daughter Akshata
with all care and love while Kumari Shibulal cooked for all of us.
Murty made it very clear that it would either be me or him working at
Infosys. Never the two of us together... I was involved with Infosys initially.
Nandan Nilekani suggested I should be on the Board but Murty said he did not
want a husband and wife team at Infosys. I was shocked since I had the relevant
experience and technical qualifications. He said, Sudha if you want to work with
Infosys, I will withdraw, happily. I was pained to know that I will not be
involved in the company my husband was building and that I would have to give up
a job that I am qualified to do and love doing. It took me a couple of days to
grasp the reason behind Murty's request. I realized that to make Infosys a
success one had to give one's 100 percent. One had to be focused on it alone
with no other distractions. If the two of us had to give 100 percent to Infosys
then what would happen to our home and our children? One of us had to take care
of our home while the other took care of Infosys. I opted to be a homemaker,
after all Infosys was Murty's dream. It was a big sacrifice but it was one that
had to be made.
Even today, Murty says, Sudha, I stepped on your career to make mine.
You are responsible for my success. I might have given up my career for my
husband's sake .But that does not make me a doormat...
Many think that I have been made the sacrificial lamb at Narayana
Murty's altar of success. A few women journalists have even accused me of
setting a wrong example by giving up my dreams to make my husbands a reality.
Isn't freedom about living your life the way you want it? What is right for one
person might be wrong for another. It is up to the individual to make a choice
that is effective in her life. I feel that when a woman gives up her right to
choose for herself is when she crosses over from being an individual to a
doormat.
Murty's dreams encompassed not only himself but a generation of
people. It was about founding something worthy, exemplary and honorable. It was
about creation and distribution of wealth. His dreams were grander than my
career plans, in all aspects. So, when I had to choose between Murty's career
and mine, I opted for what I thought was a right choice. We had a home and two
little children. Measles, mumps, fractures, PTA meetings, wants and needs of
growing children do not care much for grandiose dreams. They just needed to be
attended to. Somebody had to take care of it all. Somebody had to stay back to
create a home base that would be fertile for healthy growth, happiness, and more
dreams to dream. I became that somebody willingly. I can confidently say that if
I had had a dream like Infosys, Murty would have given me his unstinted support.
The roles would have been reversed.
We are not bound by the archaic rules of marriage. I cook for him but
I don't wait up to serve dinner like a traditional wife. So, he has no hassles
about heating up the food and having his dinner. He does not intrude into my
time especially when I am writing my novels. He does not interfere in my work at
the Infosys Foundation and I don't interfere with the running of Infosys. I
teach Computer Science to MBA and MCA students at Christ college for a few hours
every week and I earn around Rs 50,000 a year. I value this financial
independence greatly though there is no need for me to pursue a teaching career.
Murty respects that. I travel all over the world without Murty because he hates
travelling. We trust each other implicitly. We have another understanding too.
While he earns the money, I spend it, mostly through the charity.
Philanthropy is a profession and an art... The Infosys Foundation was
born in 1997 with the sole objective of uplifting the less-privileged sections
of society. IN THE PAST THREE YEARS WE HAVE BUILT HOSPITALS, ORPHANAGES,
REHABILITATION CENTRES, SCHOOL BUILDINGS, SCIENCE CENTRES AND MORETHAN 3500
LIBRARIES. Our work is mainly in the rural areas amongst women and children. I
am one of the trustees and our activities span six states including Karnataka,
Tamil Nadu, Andhra, Orissa, Chandigarh and Maharashtra.I travel to around 800
villages constantly. Infosys Foundation has a minimal staff of three trustees
and three office members. We all work very hard to achieve our goals and that is
the reason why Infosys Foundation has a distinct identity. Every year we donate
around Rs 5-6 crore (Rs 50 - 60 million). We run Infosys Foundation the way
Murty runs Infosys in a professional and scientific way.
Philanthropy is a profession and an art. It can be used or misused.
We slowly want to increase the donations and we dream of a time when Infosys
Foundation could donate large amounts of money. Every year we receive more than
10,000 applications for donations. Everyday I receive more than 120 calls.
Amongst these, there are those who genuinely need help and there are hood
winkers too. I receive letters asking me to donate Rs five lakh to someone
because five lakh is, like peanuts to Infosys. Some people write to us asking
for free Infosys shares.
Over the years I have learnt to differentiate the wheat from the
chaff, though I still give a patient hearing to all the cases. Sometimes I feel
I have lost the ability to trust people. I have become shrewder to avoid being
conned.
It saddens me to realize that even as a person is talking to me I try
to analyze them: Has he come here for any donation? Why is he praising my work
or enquiring about my health, does he wants some money from me? Eight out of ten
times I am right. They do want my money.
But I feel bad for the other two whom I suspected. I think that is
the price that I have to pay for the position that I am in now.
The greatest difficulty in having money is teaching your children the
value of it and trying to keep them on a straight line.... Bringing up children
n a moneyed atmosphere is a difficult task. EVEN TODAY I THINK TWICE IF I HAVE
TO SPEND RS 10 ON AN AUTO WHEN I CAN WALK UP TO MY HOUSE. I cannot expect my
children to do the same.
They have seen money from the time they were born. But we can lead by
example. When they see Murty wash his own plate after eating and clean the two
toilets in the house everyday they realize that no work is demeaning
irrespective of how rich you are. I DON'T HAVE A MAID AT HOME BECAUSE I DON'T
SEE THE NEED FOR ONE. When children see both parents working hard, living a
simple life, most of the time they tend to follow. This doesn't mean we expect
our children to live an austere life. My children buy what they want and go
where they want but they have to follow certain rules. They will have to show me
a bill for whatever they buy. My daughter can buy five new outfits but she has
to give away five old ones. My son can go out with his friends for lunch or
dinner but if he wants to go to a five star hotel, we discourage it. Or we
accompany him. So far my children haven't given me any heartbreak. They are good
children. My eldest daughter is studying abroad, whereas my son is studying in
Bangalore. They don't use their father's name in vain. If asked, they only say
that his name is Murty and that he works for Infosys. They y don't want to be
recognized and appreciated because of their father or me but for themselves. I
DON'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HAVING MONEY FOR WE HAVE WORKED HARD FOR IT. BUT I DON'T
FEEL COMFORTABLE FLAUNTING IT...IT IS A CONSCIOUS DECISION ON OUR PART TO LIVE A
SIMPLE, SO-CALLED MIDDLE CLASS LIFE. WE LIVE IN THE SAME TWO- BEDROOM, PARSELY
FURNISHED HOUSE BEFORE INFOSYS BECAME A SUCCESS. Our only extravagance is buying
books and CDs. MY HOUSE HAS NO LOCKERS FOR I HAVE NO JEWELS. I WEAR A STONE
EARRING WHICH I BOUGHT IN BOMBAY FOR RS100. I don't even wear my mangalsutra
until I attend some family functions or I am with my mother-in-law. I am not
fond of jewellery or saris. Five years ago, I went to Kashi where tradition
demands that you give up something and I gave up shopping. Since then I haven't
bought myself a sar ior gone shopping. It is my friends who gift me with saris.
Murty bought me a sari a long time ago. It was not to my taste and I told him to
refrain from buying saris for me in the future. I am no good at selecting men's
clothes either. It is my daughter who does the shopping for us. I still have the
same sofa at home which my daughter wants to change. However, we have indulged
ourselves with each one having their own music system and computer. I don' ct
arry a purse and neither does Murty most of the time. I do tell him to keep some
small change with him but he doesn't. I borrow money from my secretary or my
driver if I need cash. They know my habit so they always carry extra cash with
them. But I settle the accounts every evening. MURTY AND I ARE VERY COMFORTABLE
WITH OUR LIFESTYLE AND WE DON'T SEE THE NEED TO CHANGE IT. NOW THAT WE HAVE
MONEY. Murty and I are two opposites that complement each other... Murty is
sensitive and romantic in his own way. He always gifts me books addressed to
From Me to You. Or to the person I most admire etc. We both love books. We are
both complete opposites. I am an extrovert and he is an introvert. I love
watching movies and listening to classical music. Murty loves listening to
English classical music. I go out for movies with my students and secretary
every other week. I am still young at heart. I really enjoyed watching "Kaho Na
Pyaar Hai" and I am a Hrithik Roshan fan. It has been more than 20 years since
Murty and I went for a movie. My daughter once gave us a surprise by booking
tickets for "Titanic". Since I had a prior engagement that day, Murty went for
the movie with his secretary Pandu. I love traveling whereas Murty loves
spending time at home. Friends come and go with the share prices... Even in my
dreams, I did not expect Infosys to grow like the way it has. I don't think even
Murty envisioned this phenomenal success, at least not in 1981. After Infosys
went public in 1993, we became what people would call as rich, moneyed people. I
was shocked to see what was happening to Infosys and to us. Suddenly you see and
hear about so much money. Your name and photo is splashed in the papers. People
talk about you. It was all new to me. SUDDENLY I HAVE PEOPLE WALKING UP TO ME
SAYING, OH, WE WERE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS, WE HAD A MEAL 25 YEARS AGO.THEY CLAIM TO
HAVE BEEN PRESENT AT OUR WEDDING (WHICH IS AN UTTER LIE BECAUSE ONLY MY FAMILY
WAS PRESENT AT MY WEDDING). I DON'T EVEN KNOW ALL THESE PEOPLE WHO CLAIM TO KNOW
MURTY AND ME SO WELL. But that doesn't mean I don't have true friends. I do have
genuine friends, a handful who has been with me for a very long time. My
equation with these people has not changed and vices versa. I am ALSO VERY CLOSE
TO NARAYAN MURTY'S family, especially my sister-in-law KAMALA MURTY, a
SCHOOLTEACHER, who is more of a dear friend to me. I have discovered that these
are the few relationships and friendships that don't fluctuate depending on the
price of Infosys shares .
Have I lost my identity as a woman, in Murty's shadow? No. I might be
Mrs Narayan Murty. I might be Akshata and Rohan's mother .I might be the trustee
of Infosys Foundation. But I am still Sudha. I play different roles like all
women. That doesn't mean we don't have our own identity. Women have that extra
quality of adaptability and learn to fit into different shoes. But we are our
own selves still. And we have to exact our freedom by making the right choices
in our lives, dictated by us and not by the world.
<hr>
</font>

[Spoorthi]

hi,

this is really very nice.......

but u would've post it under inspirational--leadres zone

[keerthi]

[img]smileys/smiley18.gif[/img]This topic is already posted in Inspire urself section.Any way thanks for posting it again.[img]smileys/smiley32.gif[/img].

[sowmya571]

hello







gud to have a PERSON like that





bye





sowmy

[leela.vv]

really this is very inspirational





one can learn a lot as a women whow to sacrifice and how stay back to her idntity and how to take care of fmily its simplysuperb.


its ver ynice.

[ajithcharles]

We should never forget where we came from. Riches come and go, we should never forget our past and loved ones.

Respect and admire pple who were always beside you in goos and bad times, not the ones who are with you for ur success rate.

hi all,

i request to all

whatever it may be, the message should useful to all people but dont utlize to love stories and else its too much.
if u want to tell to all should go to media/private channells ok
i think this is site most valueble to unemployees and students to lovers

this is my openion thats all

note: never make worrest should keep bright

ok

bye

member










Re: Love Story of Narayana Murthy and Sudha